Stories written to amuse, whether gently, absurdly, or wickedly.
The Prime Minister stood before King Bartholomew’s throne. “Today I am appointing Lord Barnaby Bragglesworth as Royal Herald,” said the king. “As a lawyer, he is exceptionally qualified to speak on my behalf and deliver proclamations and royal decisions to…
King Bartholomew summoned the ambassadors of Ukravia and Ruzkovia to the palace. “Ambassadors, thanks for coming today. I am pleased to hear of the ceasefire between your countries.” The ambassadors looked at each other, then at the king. “Your Majesty,…
King Bartholomew summoned the royal scribes and bookmakers into his palace. They bowed before his throne as he ate his noon meal. He motioned with his hands. “Scribes! Bookmakers! Rise! I have learned you are accepting royalties. Give an account…
King Bartholomew summoned the Royal Alchemists to the throne room. They bowed before the king. “Alchemists! You have failed to turn lead into gold.” “From this day forward, I declare you shall no longer be alchemists. You are henceforth magicians!”…
King Bartholomew’s armies attacked the distant land of Iranizbad. For months, the war dragged on. He assured his subjects that victory was near. Farmers couldn’t afford feed for livestock, or fertilizer for crops. People couldn’t afford food to eat, or…
Mr. and Mrs. Termite tucked themselves into their little bed. Mr. Termite’s tummy growled. “That was a long trip, honey. I’m really hungry.” “Me too,” said Mrs. Termite, “let’s eat. There’s a lot of food here.” “Yes, it is a…
King Bartholomew smacked his arm. “Drat! The mosquitoes have invaded the kingdom!” “Prime Minister: Prepare the Declaration of War on Mosquitoes.” “Minister of War: Prepare the armies to repel the invasion. Provide every soldier with fly swatters.” “Your Majesty, may…
6:47 a.m., with a steaming mug of coffee in hand, I flop down on the couch and turn on the TV. I reach for my To-Do list notebook and my pen. The notebook is there on the cushion where I…
I watch from the side as the director counts down with his fingers… three… two… one. He points to the silver-haired man dressed in a navy power suit standing before a studio audience. The camera’s little light turns red. “Hello…
Rumors spread across the realm that King Bartholomew would build a triumphal arch in the city. “The bigliest arch ever built,” boasted the King. “No one has ever seen bigger.” Soon, the royal crews began building on the palace grounds,…
He trumpeted his arrival, and the gathered group answered back in a discordant symphony. He exchanged small talk with members of his section as they took their positions. The conductor arrived and stepped onto the podium. The elephant shuddered. He…
Willie rose early every day because he heard a disturbing rumor about birds. But for the life of him, he couldn’t remember what it was. One day, as Willie wiggled around, Bonnie Blackbird flew towards him, her mouth open wide. …
He waited years for the shoe to drop. He knew it would happen someday, but couldn’t know when. One day, while browsing his favorite auction website, he saw it. A large flashing box with red borders and print. 1985 Air…
The camel heard the talk, but didn’t give it much weight. Something about a straw breaking a camel’s back. Silly humans. And they said camels were dumb. His owner loaded him with bundles, piling one on another, until he could…
I stand alone in the middle of the room full of people, talking, eating, and drinking. I wave at people. I laugh. I try to join in their conversations. But everyone ignores me like I’m invisible. I suppose that’s the…
I know darn well I’m not supposed to boil while someone is watching. But the pressure is becoming unbearable. For me. For them. Bubbles rise in a churning cauldron of distress. I let off a little steam. Then a lot.…
Teddy kept having second thoughts, but he couldn’t remember the first. He made his selection and sat at the table next to his friends. “Ooh, that looks good,” Sally cooed. “Again.” “Come again?” asked Teddy. “Didn’t you have cheesecake already?”…
He crawled toward it in the inky darkness of the tunnel. A flashing light. Getting closer. And closer. It was all he desired. All he could think about. And it was coming to him. With a swoosh of wings, the…
“A penny for your thoughts,” he said. “I’ll take that offer,” she said. He chuckled. “It’s a figure of speech.” “Sure, but I’ll take the penny.” He pulled a coin from his pocket and handed it to her. She began…
Today, he decided, was the day he would stop procrastinating. He scheduled it in his calendar for tomorrow. Tomorrow came. He scheduled it for the next day. Then the next. And the next. For seven years, tomorrow was always the…
The more King Bartholomew ages, the more things he forgets. To help himself remember, he renames everything in the kingdom. The river becomes Bartholomew River. The capital city, Bartholomew City. The royal forest, Bartholomew Forest. He renames the royal palace,…
The Orange Ants and Red Ants lived on opposite sides of the Great Puddle. They often traded goods with each other. One day, the Orange Ants’ leader demanded that the Red Ants reduce the price of everything they sold by…
Some stories are dribbles, drabbles, and hints. And what, exactly, are they? A dribble is a story of exactly 50 words. A drabble is a story of exactly 100. Hint fiction, as the name implies, tells a story in exactly…
Mom said most people couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Mari wanted to see for herself. One day, she wandered through the whispering pines, shimmering maples, and stately oaks. But when she reached the sunlit meadow, she finally understood.…
Bailiff Henry: “All rise. The court of Adverbial Malfeasance is in session.” Judge Zelda Sol walks through the chamber door and sits in the oversized leather chair behind the bench. Judge Zelda: “Good morning, everyone. Public Defender Miles Mercer, you…
Every morning for the last five years I’ve toasted two slices of bread for breakfast. I toast it dark brown, slightly burnt, and super crispy. A pat of butter, a squeeze of honey, and I’m good to go. Until yesterday.…
I sat in the padded seat as customers came through the door of the little cafe. Breakfast rush. It’s filling up fast. She sat down. “Mornin’ Frankie,” said Bobby, as he flipped pancakes and turned hash browns on the grill.…
Nearly 10 o’clock. Jimmy Jones stared at his 5th grade homework assignment. “Write a very short story of 100-300 words, using the title prompt: It Rocks Like a Baby in the Cradle. Oh crap, why did I wait so late…
A dozen sheep plus two follow Noah down the ramp of the ark, blinking in the light of the sun they had not seen for a year. A dazzling rainbow stretches across the sky. One sheep turns to another. “What…
Black clouds gathered overhead. Thunder rumbled. Lightning flashed in the distance. Noah checked the shipping manifest: Crickets, seven pairs. Check. Ants, one pair. Check. Sheep, seven pairs. Check. Tyrannosaurus, one pair. Check. Food for the carnivores… Noah looked at the…