By Your Sad

I lost Puddles today.

No, not lost as in she can be found. Lost. Forever. 

I sit on the bench under the ancient oak tree in our yard. “Have you ever lost someone?” I whisper to the tree. Branches sway, and leaves rustle in the breeze. “I’m sorry, tree. I lost someone too.” 

I hear the jangle of a collar and panting breath. My heart races. Puddles dashes across the yard towards me and jumps up on my lap. I give her a good head rub just the way she likes. She licks all over my face. 

“Puddles! I thought you were gone!” 

She inches her way up my chest and snuggles. I hold her warm body tight against me, and her heart beats in time with mine. 

“You scared me little girl,” I breathe into her ear. “Don’t ever leave again. I love you so much.”

Momma sits on the bench beside us. She takes my hand and gently squeezes.

I look at my lap. Puddles is gone.

Momma’s eyes are wet, like mine. She dabs her eyes with a tissue and offers one to me. We sit there for a while holding hands without saying a word. 

Momma clears her throat and manages a weak smile.

“Honey, I can’t take your sad away.” She runs her fingers slowly through my hair. “But I’ll be by your sad. Today. Tomorrow. And the day after that. For as long as I need to be.”