{"id":3433,"date":"2026-08-07T22:49:55","date_gmt":"2026-08-07T22:49:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/twistytales.com\/staging\/?p=3433"},"modified":"2026-08-30T06:36:32","modified_gmt":"2026-08-30T06:36:32","slug":"how-long-does-pizza-take","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/twistytales.com\/staging\/how-long-does-pizza-take\/","title":{"rendered":"How Long Does Pizza Take?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-1 wp-block-paragraph\">My phone chimes as an offer pops up on my food delivery app. I click \u201caccept\u201d and head for Penny\u2019s Pizza. A few minutes later I pull into the parking lot and look for a space.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-2 wp-block-paragraph\">My breath catches when I see it. Her Mercedes. Parked right in front by the door. With the personalized DEARMOM plates. Unmistakeable.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-3 wp-block-paragraph\">I park across the lot, opposite her car. My heart pounds. My head swims. The Jeep cabin shrinks around me, squeezing the air from my lungs.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-4 wp-block-paragraph\">I can\u2019t go in there. I can\u2019t face her. What to do?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-5 wp-block-paragraph\">Unassign the order?&nbsp; I don\u2019t want to do that. It\u2019s a good-paying order.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-6 wp-block-paragraph\">Wait for her to leave? I don\u2019t know how long it will be. A few minutes, fine. Any longer, no.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-7 wp-block-paragraph\">Suck it up and go into the store?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-8 wp-block-paragraph\">No, I can\u2019t. I\u2019m not a coward, but I\u2019m not an idiot either.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-9 wp-block-paragraph\">I gaze at her car, then beyond to the large storefront windows. I can\u2019t see her through the tint. If she\u2019s getting pizza, it shouldn\u2019t be too long, right?\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-10 wp-block-paragraph\">It\u2019s 1:41 p.m. The app says pickup time is 1:52 and delivery time 2:03. I have a few minutes. I turn on K-Roc, my favorite classic hits station, and wait.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-11 wp-block-paragraph\">The Steve Miller song ends, and Van Halen begins the intro to \u201cI\u2019ll Wait.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-12 wp-block-paragraph\">Perfect.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-13 wp-block-paragraph\">David Lee Roth\u2019s raspy voice fills the air.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-14 wp-block-paragraph\">Maybe not.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-15 wp-block-paragraph\">The lyrics don\u2019t match my situation. I don\u2019t want to see her; I want to see her go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-16 wp-block-paragraph\">I glance at my watch. 1:49 p.m. DEARMOM is still parked there, and she is nowhere in sight. Come on now! How long does pizza take anyway?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-17 wp-block-paragraph\">I\u2019ll give her three more minutes. If she\u2019s still here, I have to make a tough choice.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-18 wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cI\u2019ll Wait\u201d fades and a new song starts with clanging guitars and punchy drums. The Clash, \u201cShould I Stay or Should I Go.\u201d&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-19 wp-block-paragraph\">No way! What are you trying to tell me, God?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-20 wp-block-paragraph\">God has nothing to do with this. This is my problem.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-21 wp-block-paragraph\">1:51 p.m. I pick up my phone and press the little \u201cunassign\u201d bubble on the app. A message pops up. \u201cAre you sure you want to unassign? This will affect your metrics.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-22 wp-block-paragraph\">I press \u201cYes\u201d and exhale. Done.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-23 wp-block-paragraph\">I back out of my space and drive by her car toward the exit. Still no sign of her. No worries, I\u2019m moving on.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-24 wp-block-paragraph\">About forty-five minutes later, after delivering two orders, I drive by Penny\u2019s Pizza on my way to Taco Tempo. The Mercedes is still there, in the same space.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-25 wp-block-paragraph\">How could she still be waiting for pizza?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-26 wp-block-paragraph\">Wait. As I pass, something catches my eye. The store next door. I hadn\u2019t noticed it before.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-27 wp-block-paragraph\">Sheri\u2019s Hair and Nails.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-text-color has-link-color has-medium-font-size wp-elements-28 wp-block-paragraph\">I am an idiot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My phone chimes as an offer pops up on my food delivery app. I click \u201caccept\u201d and head for Penny\u2019s Pizza. A few minutes later I pull into the parking lot and look for a space.&nbsp; My breath catches when I see it. Her Mercedes. Parked right in front by the door. With the personalized [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3434,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20,25],"tags":[16],"class_list":["post-3433","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-psychological","tag-flash-fiction"],"blocksy_meta":{"styles_descriptor":{"styles":{"desktop":"","tablet":"","mobile":""},"google_fonts":[],"version":7}},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/twistytales.com\/staging\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/08\/How-Long-Pizza-comp.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/twistytales.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3433","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/twistytales.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/twistytales.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/twistytales.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/twistytales.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3433"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/twistytales.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3433\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4013,"href":"https:\/\/twistytales.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3433\/revisions\/4013"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/twistytales.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3434"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/twistytales.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3433"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/twistytales.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3433"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/twistytales.com\/staging\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3433"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}